How I'm Doing All Alone
by AsDjFgL
Summary: Where Percy just wants to go home, and thinks he's all alone on the quest, that he can't let anyone see how scared he actually is.


**Song belongs to Troye Sivan. I recommend listening to the song while reading. The song is called Ease.**

 **Just a reminder: Percy and Annabeth just got back together and he doesn't want to ruin it for anything. So that is why he is so hesitant at sharing with her at first. He doesn't want her to think he is scared(even though he is).  
DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN PERCY JACKSON AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO INTENTION OF DOING SO.**

* * *

 _I'm down to my skin and bone  
And my mommy, she can't put down the phone  
And stop asking, how I'm doing all alone  
Alone_

His mother couldn't stop asking Chiron too many times how her baby was doing on that big bad quest so alone and afraid. And every time Percy asked him to tell her, he was doing fine. Her baby was alright, he was alive and well. And he was not alone. For now.

 _But all this driving  
Is driving, me crazy  
And all this moving, is proving  
To get the best of me  
And I've been trying to hide it  
But lately_

Percy couldn't sleep. He wanted it all to be over with. He was just so _**tired**_. He just wanted to go home to mom and sleep next to her, cuddled up under warm blankets watching those cheesy old movies she liked so much. Just like they used to.

 _Every time I think I'm better  
Picking my head up  
Getting nowhere_

"I want to go home." Is not something to be expected of the leader of an extremely dangerous quest. He wanted to tell Annabeth, of course. But, what if she would think him weak? That he _had_ changed while with the Romans? He did _**not**_ want her to think he was scared. If he was vulnerable, who would she lean on when **_she_** was scared?

He just wanted to talk to his mom. She would know exactly what to say. But, he didn't want her to worry. He needed her to be happy.

 _Take me back to the basics and the simple life  
Tell me all of the things that make you feel at  
Ease  
Your touch, my comfort, and my lullaby  
Holding on tight, sleeping at night  
Holding on tight, sleeping at night _

Percy just wanted to go home. He wanted to stay in his mother's arms while she told him stories about his father and him and a child. He wanted to feel at ease, instead of worrying about something every single moment.

 _Now I'm down to my skin and bones  
My baby listens to me on the phone  
But I can't help feeling like I'm all alone,  
All alone_

He decided he could trust Annabeth. She loved him. She accepted him. And his fears. When he told her why he didn't mention this to her before, she sighed and said, "Always so selfless, Percy."

 _The truth is, the stars are falling, babe  
And I'd never ever thought that I would say  
I'm afraid of the life that I've made,  
I've made._

The stars were definitely falling. Everything was falling. He was falling, falling, falling. And yet, he didn't regret it. Annabeth was his anchor to sanity. He could not let her die, could not let her fall; At least not alone. He held her while falling, thinking about all his life decisions. Was it worth it? He thought. Was it worth leaving his mom for all of this? He had a choice when he found out what he was. He could have left Camp Half Blood. But he didn't. Because he thought he finally found home. What he didn't realize was, he already had one.

 _But all this driving  
Is driving, me crazy  
And all this moving, is proving  
To get the best of me  
And I've been trying to hide it  
But lately  
Every time I think better  
Picking my head up  
Getting nowhere_

"Can I talk to my mom Chiron?"  
"She's not here Percy, but you can leave a message."  
- **Hi Mom. I love you. Please don't worry about me. I promise I'm going to come home. How could I not, with those chocolate chip cookies you make. I love you. Bye.**

He knew it was cryptic, but he couldn't risk it. He just didn't want her to worry.  
He needed her to know it was worth it. He fell into Tartarus knowing the risks full well.

 _Take me back to the basics and the simple life  
Tell me all of the things that make you feel at  
Ease  
Your touch, my comfort, and my lullaby  
Holding on tight, sleeping at night_

He wanted to go home and just hug her. He smiled at the thought that now _**he**_ would be the one enveloping her in his warmth.

 _I've been lying to them all  
I don't need it anymore  
Don't you worry about me  
I'll be fine if I can breathe  
I've been out here for too long  
Taking shit for how I'm wrong  
How I'm wrong_  
 _Always wrong_

He would be fine if he could breathe, but the trouble was that he couldn't. But he didn't want her to know that, he didn't want her to know anything. He didn't want her to worry.

 _Take me back to the basic and the simple life  
Tell me all of the things that make you feel at  
Ease  
Your touch, my comfort, and my lullaby  
Holding on tight, sleeping at night  
Holding on tight, sleeping at night_

He was coming home. He was fulfilling his promise. He was going to keep Sally Jackson – Blofis happy. And along the way, he would have some blue chocolate chip cookies.

 _Holding on tight, sleeping at night  
Holding on tight, sleeping at night  
(Take me back to the basics and the simple life)_

He was finally in her arms, she was putting him to sleep. He was home _._

 _Holding on tight, sleeping at night  
(Tell me all of the things that make you feel, at, Ease)  
Holding on tight, sleeping at night  
(Your touch, my comfort, and my lullaby)  
Holding on tight, sleeping at night_

And he realized, home is where the heart is. He had way more than one home. And that was alright.

* * *

 **Just a reminder: Percy and Annabeth just got back together and he doesn't want to ruin it for anything. That is why he is so hesitant at sharing with her at first.** **He doesn't want her to think he is scared(even though he is).**


End file.
